Amoris vulnus idem sanat, qui facit.

Translation: The wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them"

the person who made the gash on my soul stonewalled for a good month or so. understandably i lashed out my fury almost every time we spoke. as fate would have it, we were "separated" as he was posted offshore a few months earlier.

i certainly did not know how to handle the situation. i was also not thinking clearly. nothing ever prepared me for this. in a way, i was fortunate that we were not living together at that time of crisis. it was also unfortunate as i (we both) needed to be consoled at certain times, and found myself alone.

i was also full of nagging questions, how did this happen? who? why? is it still on? if not, why are you still in contact with the offending party? why did it happen? is it truly over? i wanted to know date, time places, positions...and he could not answer. i was full of questions and did not get any answers. i became paranoid, as well as exhausted, angry, anxious and hurt beyond belief.

i was a mess. he was too. he was pushed against the wall, by me and circumstances he created. i did not feel safe. strangers know where i live and had my phone numbers. i needed things that i could not name. he needed me to calm down. we hardly had a real conversation, only accusations on my side and evasion on his. we were spiralling into an abyss.

there seem to be no hope for recovery.