i did mention earlier that he was posted elsewhere for work. we have never been physically separated by work since our marriage 8 years ago. i suppose the emotional attachment we had had deteriorated somewhat over the past 2 years. we were both exhausted by career demands, and being such like minded people, i was never worried.
watching mr and mrs smith speak with reluctance about their almost nonexistent connection (during the initial counselling session) was akin to watching our story. we could not remember when we last made love, let alone have sex. we treated each other with veiled contempt. we spoke but did not communicate. we were just like most married couple in a rut-i thought. most times we were busy climbing the corporate ladder. in the eyes of the world, we looked just the loving couple. we loved each other very much, that i did not doubt. he still opens doors for me, hugs me in public and we had many scintillating conversations on current and career issues. we'd go out for movies and plays. we'd have late night suppers just to be together. but we had no intimacy. i did not know the difference then, it took me 3 months after D-day to figure this out. for people out there, it's called the taking-for-granted phase of marriage. apparently it's a dangerous phase.
i suppose there were the signals. we stopped taking vacations during the duration of the affair. he actually became more attentive, and i thought we were on our way out of the rut. there were a few times when the phone rang and the line went silent when i answered. but then, we had a few crank calls earlier and i left it at that. and when we did make love, his eyes looked sad. he became more religious, he read the holy book more and actually prayed. this did unsettle me a little as he was mostly non-practicing when it came to religion. again i attributed it to change for the better. something that struck me much later was that i could not reach him much in the afternoons. but then again, afternoons are always busy for me too, and i loathe to answer personal calls, preferring to rush through work once the tempo is set.
unlike most women, i was burdened by the entire running of the household. i despised the responsibility and detest my husband for the state of affairs. he only needed to show up in the marriage. i did the rest. he was preoccupied on being employee of the year. i humored him. it was his only way of earning respect as i earned more. at this point, we both lacked empathy. and we were both full of resentment.
watching mr and mrs smith speak with reluctance about their almost nonexistent connection (during the initial counselling session) was akin to watching our story. we could not remember when we last made love, let alone have sex. we treated each other with veiled contempt. we spoke but did not communicate. we were just like most married couple in a rut-i thought. most times we were busy climbing the corporate ladder. in the eyes of the world, we looked just the loving couple. we loved each other very much, that i did not doubt. he still opens doors for me, hugs me in public and we had many scintillating conversations on current and career issues. we'd go out for movies and plays. we'd have late night suppers just to be together. but we had no intimacy. i did not know the difference then, it took me 3 months after D-day to figure this out. for people out there, it's called the taking-for-granted phase of marriage. apparently it's a dangerous phase.
i suppose there were the signals. we stopped taking vacations during the duration of the affair. he actually became more attentive, and i thought we were on our way out of the rut. there were a few times when the phone rang and the line went silent when i answered. but then, we had a few crank calls earlier and i left it at that. and when we did make love, his eyes looked sad. he became more religious, he read the holy book more and actually prayed. this did unsettle me a little as he was mostly non-practicing when it came to religion. again i attributed it to change for the better. something that struck me much later was that i could not reach him much in the afternoons. but then again, afternoons are always busy for me too, and i loathe to answer personal calls, preferring to rush through work once the tempo is set.
unlike most women, i was burdened by the entire running of the household. i despised the responsibility and detest my husband for the state of affairs. he only needed to show up in the marriage. i did the rest. he was preoccupied on being employee of the year. i humored him. it was his only way of earning respect as i earned more. at this point, we both lacked empathy. and we were both full of resentment.
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