obsession

i obsessed constantly after the discovery. i wanted to know every detail of the affair. after much hesitation, he promised to tell me a bit of what happened. that was of course after i calmed down. that meant i was too exhausted to entertain thoughts of murdering him. by a fortnight, i was broken. i just wanted a story.

he told me. it was a summary of events. at the time, it was enough for me. i cried in relief. i hugged the holy book throughout the conversation. partly for strength, partly because i could not count on this man for making me feel safe. i was so overwhelmed that i finally am hearing something at last, i didn't question the validity of the tale.

hanging up the telephone, i slept on the cold floor, hugging the holy book. numb. too tired to move. at least i got to sleep.

over the next few days, i began running the account repeatedly through my mind. and i found many unanswered questions. parts of it did not make sense. i hounded him for more details. he was reluctant.

what i gleaned was that the physical affair was over some months earlier, but they remained "friends". it sounded so cliche. i was firm. end contact or i'll end ours. surprisingly he agreed.